The Girl Who Ate Everything

I smell something sweet, like icing. Where is it coming from? I look up, peer around the room and maybe 30 feet away from me I see a guy eating...something. Is that what I'm smelling? I actually thought I had gone insane at first; if people can mistakenly see things, surely they can mistakenly smell things? I haven't figured out what the guy is eating but I'm assuming that's what I'm smelling. Considering that there are five people in this spacious lounge besides me, I guess it's not surprising that the smell wafted its way over here. Is my smell better than most or do I underestimate its power? I think I underestimate it.

This morning when I tried on my pants (the ones that tell me whether or not I've gotten too fat), they told me that I had gotten too fat. Of course, I've been eating like a starving pig (or worse than a normal, healthy pig) for the past week. Or two. Of course it was bound to come back at me and chop my head off with a meat cleaver. Of course I'd regret it--I should've known that beforehand. But then why didn't I stop it? Why did I consume all those sweets, all those pastries, all those slices of bread? The best way to prevent something from happening is to stifle its materialization in the first place. For whatever reason I was...

...oh my god. I smell something else. However, it's not a hunger inducing smell; it smells like something spicy. It's coming from the same distance, from the friend of the guy eating the sweet pastry.

Smells are intoxicating. I know they're not single layered, but when you eat something, besides the taste you also have factors like texture, temperature, and water content. Smells consist of many "flavors" but you don't have structural factors to think about. Smells. (sniff) I have no idea what this food is. (sniff) Chicken? Kind of smells like chicken. I'd rather have a cookie right about now...

Wow, I'm so distracted, this is ridiculous. I'm in the Kimmel Center now and my plan is to stay here until I finish most of my essay that's due on Monday. So far I've been working on other things, like my other essay that's due on Monday. I'll probably work on a different essay which, I kid you not, the topic of is "What does food mean to me?" I'm going to have a field day with that one, except I'm limited to 500 words when I could easily write thousands.

So, the fat pants told me I was fat. What did I do after that? I ate an orange and finished my loaf of bread that I bought on Thursday. Today is Saturday and from the actuall hours I was in possession of that bread, I finished the loaf of 13 slices in less than 48 hours. I had three slices left for my lunch, which I thoroughly enjoyed eating plain out of the bag in all its fluffy and soft goodness. I told you that i like bread too much, which is why I never buy it, but I did in order to make a sammich. I had my sammich, I suppose that's enough.

No more loaves of bread. I guess bread is the staff of life, unless you're me, in which case its the key to weight gain and feeling like a glutton.

I didn't bring my wallet with me in fear of buying something. Well, not so much fear as in the knowledge that I would DEFINITELY buy something if I had money. The only way to prevent that? No money! Wow, that was easy. It's not like I'd get hungry enough to steal food, although in the past it has made me go slightly insane. Slightly. I figure I can last another 24 hours without wheat or rice seeing as I don't have any in my kitchen anyway.

I was planning to go to the Taiwanese Night Market my school is having but my main reason to go was for the food. Now I'd rather not go. It's in a week but if I still feel as fat by then, I won't go. Lovely. Tonight my friend is appearing in a fashion show fundraiser being held in NYU but I don't feel like going to that as I'm worried about my essay, I brought no money, and she said there'd be food. "There will be Thai food, buffet style!" While that would've been a welcome invitation on any other day, today just...isn't that day.

It's funny I'm in this "God dammit I can't eat anything" mood since last night I was planning out my eating schedule, as in what to try out and when to do it. I wanted to try Yoghurt Palace II on Sullivan Street but the weather is such crap today that I don't want to walk down there (especially with a laptop in tow). Since I didn't walk here, I don't think I can afford to indulge in too much food, or any food (I was planning to buy a cookie also). I don't know if I'll walk back to my dorm but I really could afford to burn 100 calories.

I hate food sometimes. It's the worst thing to fixate on because it's one thing that the whole world shares. Not everyone drinks, not everyone smokes, not everyone reads, not everyone goes to concerts, but a hell of a lot of people eat. I wouldn't be so annoyed if I came from a family of overweight people but I don't, which makes me different from Wendy Shanker. It seems that her genes have developed to hold lots of fat and I'd like to believe mine haven't. Overall, Chinese people (and other Asians) aren't known for being fat. I don't want to be the odd one out. And if you don't think I'm fat, it's all about what photos of me you've seen. Some photos of me look surprisingly normal while others (like the ones my dad just sent me) make me look incredibly fat. I don't get it; maybe I morph on a daily basis.