The Girl Who Ate Everything

This chowhound post says, "Enough with all these homestyle bakeries." I understand the point this person is making but I'm not going to bake one cupcake. If I bake cupcakes I'll end up baking a bunch of them, which is bad because I'll end up eating all them. I'd also have to buy all the ingredients and if you look in my fridge I STILL have flour from last fall that I bought to make scones and I never needed again. I also needed to buy sugar to make those scones and I barely used any of it. However, I did start to eat the sugar plain, resulting in me having to throw out the bag of sugar.

For me, it's a waste to try and bake my own stuff because I either won't use all the ingredients or I'll be prone to eating everything. On the upside, if I make my own stuff then I know all the ingredients. I spent a crapload of money buying ingredients for banana pudding (partially because real vanilla beans cost...a bit) that would've been much cheaper to buy from a bakery but I guess the ingredients wouldn't have been as good. I definitely overate banana pudding by making it myself though.

I rather like American homestyle bakeries, which is weird because my family didn't make American food or bake much at all. My mother never made cakes or cookies and when we did buy pastries they were usually European patisserie type things. Since living in NYC I've craved homey foods and I have no idea why. The food doesn't even remind me of home. It's just...well, it's comforting as this post says. But what's also weird is that besides that my mum didn't make this stuff when I was a kid I didn't even crave cookies or cupcakes when I was little. There's no void to fill -- I just found out that I really like this kind of food.

Anyway. I hate food. Today I ate two persimmons, an orange, and some other things I'd rather not say. Things I shouldn't have eaten. I spent the weekend at home and after feeling bad on Sunday, pigged out. I don't want to go home now because I know I'll probably eat too much.

The question people ask me the most is "Well, can't you just stop eating so much?" It's an easy question. Like "If you don't do well in school can't you just try harder? Or grow a new brain?" Yeah, just like that.

It's my problem. I hate it. I don't want to go out. I don't want to bring money outside with me or I might buy something and that would be the end of the world. I still feel too fat and unhealthy to eat anything.

I'll probably just sleep in tomorrow. Yay, vacation.