How to throw a surprise birthday party (from someone who has been surprised too many times)
Hello, smattering of readers! It's been a while. :( Since my last post, I moved out of New York City back to my mom's place in New Jersey, then moved to Taipei. Today's post has absolutely nothing to do with those recent events. Or food. Instead, I'm recapping all the surprise birthday parties I've received over the last five years because...today is my birthday. A meh birthday—the big 2-9, which basically means I'm 30, which basically means I'm 50, which basically means OH NO I AM DEAD NOW. So join me as I focus on the good times, when adulthood was distant and I didn't live thousands of miles away from my closest friends.
- It's not a birthday cake until you set a bunch of tiny fires on it.
I'm not one to demand recognition for my accomplishments, but there is one prize I deserve with utmost fanfare (a nice horn quartet ought to do it). That prize is an oversized gold chalice engraved with "Most Easily Surprised by Surprise Birthday Parties." Under that in a smaller font, "It's Crazy, She Just Never Sees Them Coming!" Under that in a smaller font, "How Did She Make It This Far in Life?"
Here's what I've learned over the last five years of being surprised/fooled by friends in New York City. This isn't a handy-dandy universal guide that lists all the steps by any means; there are other resources for that. It's not rocket science, nor a less impressive science. I'm just sharing my experiences to give people ideas. Use this knowledge wisely on your most unsuspecting friend who enjoys being surprised. You might make her feel like the luckiest person on earth to be blessed with such a thoughtful circle of friends...and after a few years, fill her with self doubt about her ability to think critically about anything.
In this post I refer to the surprisee as a woman because I have lady parts. But you can also surprise guys. It works on them too, probably.
Hijack the Birthday Plans Your Friend Has Already Made
- It's not a party until PARTY MANATEE ARRIVES.
Instead of planning a surprise party from square one, it might be easier and less suspicious to tack the surprise onto plans the birthday girl already made, if her plans are easily malleable. I've been that girl multiple times. I LEARN NOTHING.
